Eggs cannot be unscrambled. 

"Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer somewhere else."

                                                       
Three Cajuns died in a car wreck and were at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter told the first one "you can't come in, you loved money so much you even married a girl named Penny." The next Cajun came up and he said "you loved alcohol so much you even married a girl named Brandy" and the third Cajun just started to walk away. Saint Peter said "where are you going?" and the little Cajun said "my wife's name is Fanny I don't have a prayer".

"Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you."

You can't fall off the floor.

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together."

"A Superior man blames himself, while an Inferior man blames others"

"Do not worry about people not knowing you, but strive so that you may be
 worth knowing"

"It is easy to be rich and not haughty: it is difficult to be poor and not grumble"

"When you see a good man, try to emulate his example, and when you see a bad
  man, search yourself for his faults"

"It is man that makes truth great, and not truth that makes man great"

"To know what you know and know what you don't know is the characteristic
 of one who knows"

"Clever talk and a domineering manner are not necessarily manhood at its best"

"I doubt one could live in the darkness, but one could probably survive. "

"To give birth, to nourish,
 To give birth without taking possession,
 To act without appropriation,
 To be chief among men, without managing them-
 This is the Mystic Virtue"

 "Despise not their dwellings,
  Dislike not their progeny.
  Because you do not dislike them,
  You will not be disliked yourself.
  Therefore the Sage knows himself, but does not show himself,
  Loves himself, but does not exalt himself.
  Therefore he rejects the one (force) and accepts the other (gentility)

"God, I know we are your chosen people, but couldn't you choose
somebody else for a change?"

 "To repay kindness with kindness is the sign of a generous character.
  To repay kindness with evil is the sign of a criminal"

"What deep wounds ever closed without a scar?"

Thibodeaux: Boudreaux, did you get the parrot I sent you for your birthday? Boudreaux: Yes, it was good!
Thibodeaux: You ate the bird!
Boudreaux: Of Course I ate it.
Thibodeaux: That bird spoke five different languages!
Boudreaux: Then he should have said something.       
                                  

                                                           

"Two monks were walking together when they saw a Lady by a stream trying to cross. One monk said "we must not talk to her as it is against our vows."  The second monk asked if he could help her cross. She said "yes my dress will be ruined, thank you so much" he carried her over and put her down then the monks continued on. Finally, after many miles, the first monk anxiously said why did you pick her up, we are not supposed to be with women, the second monk said "are you still carrying her? I put her down on the other side of the stream."

"A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never quite sure."

"Cajuns love their hunting dogs and two Cajuns met in town and one said to the other one "do you know anyone who will buy my dogs?" what are you selling your dogs for, I would never sell mine replied the other one. "I can hardly feed my family let alone the dogs" I would never sell my dogs his friend replied. "What do you feed them?" Collard greens. "My dogs would never eat Collard greens" Mine wouldn't either the first two weeks."

"I am a part of all that I have met."
 

Life is just one damned thing after another.

"Let me tell you the one thing I have against Moses. He took us forty years into the desert in order to bring us to the one place in the Middle East that has no oil!"

"Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work."

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.

"The obscure we see eventually.  The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer." 

When the student is ready, the master appears. 

"Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after."

"I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up . . . they have no holidays."

"The fish trap exists because of the fish.  Once you've gotten the fish you can forget the trap.  The rabbit snare exists because of the rabbit.  Once you've gotten the rabbit, you can forget the snare.  Words exist because of meaning.  Once you've gotten the meaning, you can forget the words.  Where can I find a man who has forgotten words so I can talk with him?"

"There are some remedies worse than the disease."

"You never know what is enough, until you know what is more than enough."

Boudreaux spotted Thibodeaux walking down the levee the other day, carrying a sack over his shoulder.  Well, of course, curiosity got the best of Boudreaux, and he asked Thibodeaux, "Hey, Mon Homme, what you got in dat sack ?" 
Thibodeaux said, "Mais, I got me some chickens in dat sack." 
Boudreaux asked, "If I can guess how many chickens you got in dat sack, can I have one of dem?"
Thibodeaux replied, "Mais, my fren, if you can guess how many I got, you can have both of dem!"

"Men are probably nearer the central truth in their superstitions than in their science."

"Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all."

Catholics believe life begins at conception. Atheists believe that life begins at birth.
Jews believe that life begins when the children leave home and the dog dies.

  

"You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep."

"A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him."

"How long has it been since someone touched part of you other than your body?"

Alice came to a fork in the road.  "Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

"He who has seen present things has seen all, both everything which has taken place from all eternity and everything which will be for time without end; for all things are of one kin and of one form."

"Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can."
 

"If you chase two rabbits, you will not catch either one."

"Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet."

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."

Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once.

"It is easy to stand a pain, but difficult to stand an itch. "

"Extreme remedies are very appropriate for extreme diseases."

"You can see a lot by just looking."

"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain."

"Who depends on another man's table often dines late."

A pessimist, confronted with two bad choices, chooses both.

"Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much."

A thousand men can't undress a naked man. 
 

"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house."

"The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal."

"Almost every wise saying has an opposite one, no less wise, to balance it." 

If charity cost nothing, the world would be full of philanthropists.

We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.

"How often one sees people looking far and wide for what they are holding in their hands? Why! I am doing it myself at this very moment."

                  
                         

"Our greatest pretenses are built up not to hide the evil and the ugly in us, but our emptiness.  The hardest thing to hide is something that is not there."

"Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light? "

"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children."

"I believe that men are generally still a little afraid of the dark, though the witches are all hung, and Christianity and candles have been introduced."

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were once again spending Saturday night at the City Bar, and after several hours of steady drinking, Thibodeaux suddenly fell backwards off of the bar stool and onto the floor, passed out cold. Boudreaux looks at Thib, looks up at the bartender, and remarks, "Dat's what I like about Thibodeaux. He knows when he done had enough to drink."

No snowflake ever falls in the wrong place.

"In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back."

"Nature is the art of God."

"If I am not pleased with myself, but should wish to be other than I am, why should I think highly of the influences which have made me what I am?"

"If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts, but if he will content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties."

"The world always makes the assumption that the exposure of an error is identical with the discovery of truth - that the error and truth are simply opposite.  They are nothing of the sort.  What the world turns to, when it is cured on one error, is usually simply another error, and maybe one worse than the first one."

"One does what one is; one becomes what one does."

"One touch of nature makes the whole world kin."

"In general people experience their present naively, as it were, without being able to form an estimate of its contents; they have first to put themselves at a distance from it - the present, that is to say, must have become the past - before it can yield points of vantage from which to judge the future."

"The only Zen you can find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there."

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."